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Mermaid Painting from


  1. Hi Grace!

    I do not know many myths about mermaids, so this would be a fun storybook for me to read! The storybooks I have read so far told the introduction from the characters point of view in a story format, so it was nice to see a descriptive set up. I think this is helpful for readers as I don't think many people know about this specific story, at least I didn't. I also enjoyed how you connected this myth to something in our everyday lives... who knew Starbucks enjoyed mythology!

    Did you think about the format of this introduction? One long paragraph can seem overwhelming to a reader. Perhaps you could separate them into smaller chunks, or each different character could have a paragraph describing their story. I would also maybe expand more on the last part of her being a fairy of the sky. What did you mean when you said "...before any bad occurrence" was that a reference to the castle burning down, or did other bad things happen as well. This may be something you expand on in your stories, but that was the only point of confusion for me.

  2. Hey Grace!

    I really love the concept of using mermaids. I grew up on story like the Little Mermaid (I was definitely a hardcore Disney kid) so I look forward to the story style you're going to use going forward! I also really liked the images you selected for the website, especially the painting you used as a header. I think it was really good choice!

    I don't think I have any comments to make content wise. I like how you introduce the reader to the concept and even bring up the Starbuck's logo because that is something people would recognize without even realizing what it is. I suggest you break up your text into smaller paragraphs. Some people get intimidating by a big wall of text, and I think it'll spread out your page a little bit. I also suggest you add more to the front page. I think you should make the front page just a huge banner of that pretty painting. Those are just my suggestions though!

  3. Hey Grace!

    Your storybook seems like it's going to be really cool, I've never heard of this story so I would be excited to read your retelling. And I knew Starbucks logo was a mermaid but never knew it was based off of a specific character! Thanks for letting us know that. I also appreciated how you gave us such a detailed introduction to Melusine's story because I think most people have never read it.

    Content wise, this is a great introduction. But I did notice a few spelling mistakes, so my first suggestion is to copy and paste this into Microsoft Word and double proofread. The ones I saw were: "reblious" should be "rebellious", "sprit" should be "spirit", "georgous parodox" should be "gorgeous paradox", (now in the third paragraph) "see" should be "sea".

    I really liked the images you've chosen to use so far, especially the one of the moonlight on the water on the home page! I can't really think of any other suggestions except maybe using more clear language in your introduction. I noticed in some of the earlier comments that some of the things were a bit confusing like the fairy in the sky thing.

  4. Hello Grace!

    Appears as if you planned out your storybook well to write about this topic of mermaids.
    All of my previous exposure to mermaids have been through Disney depiction of them in animated films or the CGI in Pirates of the Caribbean.

    Something I noticed with all most of the intros is they are actually intros like yours. And not just jumping in to tell a story like mine. You set it up nicely with that regard. I don't have any suggestions to add given that you set up your intro well and to spell check/read the story out loud to make sure it sounds right.

  5. Hi Grace!

    Mermaids were one of the topics that I thought about doing when we were brainstorming for our project. I decided to go a different route, but I am super excited to read your storybook!

    As I was reading your storybook, I noticed some things that could be fixed or be different. First, I noticed several typos that you had throughout the story. Sometimes it is hard to catch those if you are not using a spellchecker. One of the revision methods that Laura gave us was to read the story out loud and slow down as we read it. You should try that! I did it as my revision method and I caught several mistakes that I had made. Second, maybe find a way to break up your second paragraph into two paragraphs. It can be hard to read stories when the paragraphs are long. The rest of the paragraphs were a good length.

    I really like the pictures that you chose both for your home page and introduction. I look forward to reading this storybook!

  6. Hi, Grace!

    I hope your semester is going well so far. I LOVE mermaids so I was very excited to see that you had chosen to write about them!

    I love that you went with factual information for the introduction. It makes it really nice and easy to understand the types of creatures we could read more about in your portfolio! I’m definitely excited to see more.

    I think my only advice for the introduction would be to go back through and make sure that there are not any typos and maybe try to make it a little bit more lively. I, personally, was fascinated by it but someone who isn’t so gung-ho about mermaids may have wished that it was a little bit more attention grabbing.

    I work at Starbucks as a Barista and I’m a total sucker for the siren/mermaid logo we use. I love that you brought that up to tie mermaids into modern day culture.

    Great Job!

    Good luck on the rest of your semester!


  7. Hey Grace,

    I loved that you included an interesting fact in your introduction. Starbucks is so popular, especially among college students, so including that fact help establishes a personal connection with readers. Also, I love mermaids; I’ve always been fascinated with them.

    Your introduction was great at explaining what your storybook would be about and it gave a good amount of background information on mermaids and specifically, the main character. As for your story, it was good but I think you could definitely change a couple of things to help improve the story or spice it up in general! First off, you had a couple of grammatical errors so I think re-reading over your story before posting it to catch these pesky errors will enhance the experience for your readers a lot! Also, I think something you should add is more backstory between Melusine and her mother, that way readers can discern their relationship! I think that will help a lot!

  8. Hey Grace! I almost did y storybook over mermaids! I planned to do Mermaids of the world and talk about mermaids from different origins. I decided to go a different route last minute. I enjoyed your storybook very much! I really don’t know much about mermaids, so it was very easy to get interested in your project! I thought it was a cool fact that you included the story of Melusine! I have never heard it before. It was also pretty cool to find out this was the character for the starbucks logo. I never knew it was inspired from an actual fictional character. My whole life I thought it was just a logo design. Ive enjoyed what you done so far with your story and your designs! Your website is easy to follow and creative! I really do not have any feedback. Keep up the good work! Stay safe!

  9. Hey Grace! Your story is turning out really good! I don't know much about mermaids but this story is really cool! You font think about the story in that kind of way or the father being the mermaid! I really like that twist on it! There isn't anything I would change but maybe add a few more pictures! But besides that good work!


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